THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!
I feel as though I have experienced every emotion over the past two weeks. Now, I fade into a wave of numbness. The waves come frequently: contentedness, then hopeless, hopeful, then grateful, lonely...
Waves. Ebb and Flow. This is life. THIS is it! There is nothing more or less than moments, experiences, and people.
People add and people take. I consume and I produce. How can I fault others for things I have done, do and will do? Each minute the balance in relationships fluctuates. Occasionally a new relationship is forged, occasionally a relationship is released. Surrounding both of these events are wisps of energy, hopes, fears and vulnerability. There is never a constant trajectory. One is constantly being altered and redirected by the environment and circumstances that surround them.
Be present. You are lovely and you are loved.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Oh! Family!
I drive, approaching a home of so many beautiful memories. I recall sneaking into the forbidden studio, playing the piano; climbing the stairs to the princess's tower/prison cell; running through golden fields; flying on the abnormally tall swing...
This place has changed though, it has received a makeover. I park my car, and walk through the lawn, around to the back door. The home itself greets me. We are good friends. It is when I walk inside, I meet strangers.
"Oh! We thought were not going to make it. You just missed your mom."
"She said she was going hiking."
"I thought she was talking about all of the things she needed to do."
"Well, we all know my mom is a bit eccentric, which is where I get it from."
There is a baby. I have forgotten, my cousin had a kid a few months back. Looks like 6 or 7. Babies are aliens. They scare me.
My grandmother stands up to hug me. Surprising. But I accept. She has good intentions, and a peaceful heart. Never mind that she is spending the inheritance of my aunts, uncles and mother on face lifts and beauty treatments. She went through a lot to get that money, she can do what she wants with it, I guess. The next hug comes from my bleach blonde (dyed) aunt. She is always happy to see me, until we realize we have nothing to say to one another. Barely a glance from my other cousin and his wife. They have done things the "right way." The cousin with the child says hello. I hold her baby for a moment, then pass it back.
I look at her and her husband, and the word "hick" comes quickly to my mind. I so do not envy them. She still has all of the weight she gained from pregnancy, and perhaps some more. Well, who am I to judge. I have been blessed with an easy life and a high metabolism.
Another greeting from my other aunt, and namesake, verbal. She has a bad back. It is okay that she does not stand.
"Well, hello, goodbye."
Everyone echoes goodbyes. As I am leaving a glance from my uncle, married to my namesake. Perhaps a word. He is thinking, what a tragedy, what a disappointment I have turned out to be. Well, what can you expect, being raised by the parents that I had. Success was never achievable... they did what they could.
I want to tell him to stop judging me, that we would like one another a lot more, if he could do that. I am having sex, and am not married. We will never see eye to eye. And we will never respect one another again. That is too bad. I always liked him. He was a good, if odd looking, guy.
And, I escape. Back to the house, back to the yard, which sends a hug on a breeze, and asks me to come back soon. Dance through the forgotten halls and hidden rooms. Echo songs against the walls, and blow kisses out the windows.
Strange. And yet familiar.
This place has changed though, it has received a makeover. I park my car, and walk through the lawn, around to the back door. The home itself greets me. We are good friends. It is when I walk inside, I meet strangers.
"Oh! We thought were not going to make it. You just missed your mom."
"She said she was going hiking."
"I thought she was talking about all of the things she needed to do."
"Well, we all know my mom is a bit eccentric, which is where I get it from."
There is a baby. I have forgotten, my cousin had a kid a few months back. Looks like 6 or 7. Babies are aliens. They scare me.
My grandmother stands up to hug me. Surprising. But I accept. She has good intentions, and a peaceful heart. Never mind that she is spending the inheritance of my aunts, uncles and mother on face lifts and beauty treatments. She went through a lot to get that money, she can do what she wants with it, I guess. The next hug comes from my bleach blonde (dyed) aunt. She is always happy to see me, until we realize we have nothing to say to one another. Barely a glance from my other cousin and his wife. They have done things the "right way." The cousin with the child says hello. I hold her baby for a moment, then pass it back.
I look at her and her husband, and the word "hick" comes quickly to my mind. I so do not envy them. She still has all of the weight she gained from pregnancy, and perhaps some more. Well, who am I to judge. I have been blessed with an easy life and a high metabolism.
Another greeting from my other aunt, and namesake, verbal. She has a bad back. It is okay that she does not stand.
"Well, hello, goodbye."
Everyone echoes goodbyes. As I am leaving a glance from my uncle, married to my namesake. Perhaps a word. He is thinking, what a tragedy, what a disappointment I have turned out to be. Well, what can you expect, being raised by the parents that I had. Success was never achievable... they did what they could.
I want to tell him to stop judging me, that we would like one another a lot more, if he could do that. I am having sex, and am not married. We will never see eye to eye. And we will never respect one another again. That is too bad. I always liked him. He was a good, if odd looking, guy.
And, I escape. Back to the house, back to the yard, which sends a hug on a breeze, and asks me to come back soon. Dance through the forgotten halls and hidden rooms. Echo songs against the walls, and blow kisses out the windows.
Strange. And yet familiar.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
HANDBOOK FOR LIFE
I have been struggling lately with goals. With making goals, but then not following through. This is not awful, but the piece that I have a problem with is this: that I proceed to beat myself up and feel extremely guilty and low. I was reading through some journals from a few months ago, and was frustrated that the goals I have now are the same goals I had then, and I am left wondering, "am I 'progressing' at all?" The answer is yes. I have grown in exponential and unexpected ways. I came across this great list on the prana blog, and thought it would be nice to write, and perhaps use this as a guide as I begin to focus and move through the next few months.
HEALTH
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a [prince], lunch like a [king] and dinner like a beggar (I modified this one).
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in a plant.
4. Live with the three E's-- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to meditate.
6. Breathe.
7. Read more books than [I] did in 2011.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while [I] walk, smile.
PERSONALITY
11. Comparing our lives with others is fruitless. We have no idea what their journey is about.
12. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones especially about things outside of our control. Invest energy in the positive present moment.
13. Try not to over do. Understand limits.
14. Why take ourselves so seriously. No one else does.
15. Gossip drains precious energy.
16. Dream more while we are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. We already have all we need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Let go of our partners mistakes of the past. Focus on our present/future happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Make peace with our past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of our happiness except us.
22. Realize that life is a school and we are here to learn. Problems are simply a part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons we learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. We don't have to win arguments. It's okay to agree to disagree.
SOCIETY
25.Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is insignificant to what you think of yourself.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
LIFE
32. Do the right thing!
33. Keep only things that are useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. Higher powers heal everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how we feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When we awake alive in the morning, be thankful.
39. Our Inner most is always happy. Release your "Inner Happy" on the world every day!
A pretty random list, and I don't love every item. But, fun to read through. Gives one something to think about. Which one struck, good or ill, and perhaps see if you can figure out why and if you should act on it. Onward and upward!
HEALTH
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a [prince], lunch like a [king] and dinner like a beggar (I modified this one).
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in a plant.
4. Live with the three E's-- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to meditate.
6. Breathe.
7. Read more books than [I] did in 2011.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while [I] walk, smile.
PERSONALITY
11. Comparing our lives with others is fruitless. We have no idea what their journey is about.
12. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones especially about things outside of our control. Invest energy in the positive present moment.
13. Try not to over do. Understand limits.
14. Why take ourselves so seriously. No one else does.
15. Gossip drains precious energy.
16. Dream more while we are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. We already have all we need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Let go of our partners mistakes of the past. Focus on our present/future happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Make peace with our past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of our happiness except us.
22. Realize that life is a school and we are here to learn. Problems are simply a part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons we learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. We don't have to win arguments. It's okay to agree to disagree.
SOCIETY
25.Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is insignificant to what you think of yourself.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.
LIFE
32. Do the right thing!
33. Keep only things that are useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. Higher powers heal everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how we feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When we awake alive in the morning, be thankful.
39. Our Inner most is always happy. Release your "Inner Happy" on the world every day!
A pretty random list, and I don't love every item. But, fun to read through. Gives one something to think about. Which one struck, good or ill, and perhaps see if you can figure out why and if you should act on it. Onward and upward!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Feast Turned to Massacre
"The night began like any other. Ted and Joe wanted to meet up with Jessica and Florence. After we met up, we began searching for a place for drinks. Heard of a great opportunity, and followed through, finding a great party... The night was honestly one of the best of my life, though, I don't remember much... I was zoning out, nearly asleep, and then I heard people screaming. We were trapped by a net which previously had been our playground, and those around me were being slaughtered one at a time. But the grace of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, noodled be his name, I was somehow spared. I lay low, and acted dead, and when the net moved I flew away."
Neighbors say they neither heard nor saw anything out of the ordinary. The eyewitness relates that during the night there were two other beings, one human, one canine. They both left, and the human returned, and began this heinous mass-murder. No interviews are currently being granted, but there are rumors of the human ranting, and claiming to have more than 65 bites from the slaughtered mosquitoes.
Blood banks are currently being organized to help support the families which have been left behind. If you have any further information, please contact your local authorities. And may His Meatitude be with those affected by this tragedy. Ramen.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
People
I happened upon this quote contained in a blog I follow:
“Do you know why I already know I like Danny?” Tita asked me. I listened, interested. “Because it’s clear that he is so much more than he seems at first. My favorite people in the world are the ones who don’t announce themselves, loudly, when you first meet them. They’re the ones that you know, slowly, quietly, over years of friendship. My favorite people are the ones who are far more complex than they seem.”
This is true for me to, although I often enjoy people who are "easy" to understand, it is the ones whom I do not understand who change me. They make my life interesting, happier and more fun. I am grateful for all of the people I am surrounded by who challenge me by making me slow down and really get to know them. I also think, maybe I am one of these people, and I am flattered by those who have taken the time to really get to know me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“Do you know why I already know I like Danny?” Tita asked me. I listened, interested. “Because it’s clear that he is so much more than he seems at first. My favorite people in the world are the ones who don’t announce themselves, loudly, when you first meet them. They’re the ones that you know, slowly, quietly, over years of friendship. My favorite people are the ones who are far more complex than they seem.”
This is true for me to, although I often enjoy people who are "easy" to understand, it is the ones whom I do not understand who change me. They make my life interesting, happier and more fun. I am grateful for all of the people I am surrounded by who challenge me by making me slow down and really get to know them. I also think, maybe I am one of these people, and I am flattered by those who have taken the time to really get to know me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Friday, June 22, 2012
12 Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening
I am so grateful for the pieces of inspiration that find their way to me. This is credited to my neighbors, R, O and E:
12 Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening
1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
3. Feeling of being connected with others and nature.
4. Frequent and overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears.
6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
7. A loss of ability to worry.
8. A loss of interest in conflict.
9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
10. A loss of interest in judging others.
11. A loss of interest in judging self.
12. Gaining the ability to love without expecting anything.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Just Another Manic Monday
Today, the song is ringing true, as there seems to be one thing after another. A great opportunity to accept, release, and practice my mantra of having not stress. However, as grateful as I am for this opportunity, I would really rather just have an nice, smooth day full of smiles.
However, my life is very good right now. And usually I am overflowing with gratitude and love, which is a nice feeling.
Also, I have an evening with my lovely Hannah, and we are going to have beautiful adventures, so that is something to look forward to, when frustration hits.
:)
However, my life is very good right now. And usually I am overflowing with gratitude and love, which is a nice feeling.
Also, I have an evening with my lovely Hannah, and we are going to have beautiful adventures, so that is something to look forward to, when frustration hits.
:)
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